First Anniversary

My husband and I’s first anniversary is exactly 2 weeks away and I am starting to panic. Before I got pregnant, we hadn’t exactly discussed getting married. I mean, both of us sort of assumed that was coming I think, but he hadn’t formally proposed and I was careful never to have that “when are you going to marry me?” conversation with him. I knew it would come when it came.

Once I discovered I was pregnant, that discussion happened, and it was awkward. He insisted that we get married and that we do it before the boys were born. I told him I was very uncomfortable with the idea that he was marrying me because I was pregnant. He said he wasn’t. It was awkward. Did I say that already?

He assured me that he’d been working towards asking me. He is the sort of person who needed to have the honeymoon planned before he could even pop the question and he had actually been working on that! So we agreed that we would get married. Still, he proposed in a wonderful way, and tried to make it as romantic and spontaneous as possible. He went to my mother (who didn’t know I was pregnant) and asked for her blessing. He picked out a ring he thought I would love. He arranged for us and his mother, my mother, and my mom’s partner to go to dinner together, during which he pulled out the box, made a speech, and formally asked me to marry him. It was all supposed to be a surprise, but it’s hard to surprise me. I acted very surprised. Our mothers literally wept with joy.

We put off setting a date and planning the wedding because my pregnancy was going so badly and we were just consumed by that. In January, however, we knew we’d better get moving. I was willing to go to the courthouse, but he wanted a real wedding, in the church, with his family and friends there. We planned a lovely wedding in only 6 weeks and truly I don’t know how we did it. OW put a tremendous amount of effort into it. I had no idea a nice wedding could be so important to a man! We even had a little honeymoon on the beach in South Florida, in the town I lived in for years and years. I was on semi-bedrest so I mostly sat in the living room of our suite and looked at the beach, but it was beautiful and relaxing. Sadly, his plan for a honeymoon in New Zealand has been put on indefinite hold.

So now it’s a year later. I can’t believe it’s been a year already and I wish we could have a celebration befitting a first anniversary. A romantic weekend getaway in the same boutique hotel where we spent our honeymoon would be perfect. A close second would be a few days in the mountains of North Carolina.

I’m afraid what we will actually do is call my mother-in-law at the last minute and have dinner at a decent restaurant where you don’t need a reservation, then rush home because we know the babies won’t go down for their grandma and will likely be screaming. I don’t really have the time or energy to c0me up with the sort of creative, romantic gift I would have pre-twins. I’m even at a loss for ideas for a non-romantic, non-creative gift.

What I’m most nervous about is that OW will do something really thoughtful for me and I will have crap for him. It’s causing me a lot of stress and anxiety. Taking care of the boys is just so all-consuming. Do you have any easy-to-execute ideas for me?

That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.


Posted on January 30, 2012, in Family, marriage, Questions. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Happy Anniversary.
    It’s actually very surprising that he really was into the marriage and the plans. That rarely happens LOL.
    Execute plans…ummm…lingerie? Hee hee

    • I know – right? He really did most of the planning. He wanted every detail to be just right. It was exasperating, especially since I was on partial bedrest, totally uncomfortable and just plain tired. I have to admit that it was really, really beautiful. Even though I’ve been married a bunch of times, I never had a real wedding like this. As for lingerie… I’m not sure that would be the kindest thing I could do for him, considering what my post-twins body looks like!

  2. My wife and I were married (and still are!) for 5 years before the twins came. Every year, we celebrated in a nice way – dinner date to a nice restaurant, someone cooked dinner for someone, cool and/or lavish gifts.

    Then our wonderful twins came in January. Our sixth anniversary came in August. And went. We didn’t even notice. My wife looked at me a couple weeks afterwards and said “hey, guess what we missed… our anniversary” We had a good laugh and went back to sleepless nights and exhausting days.

    Of course, it’s your first anniversary, so it’s a bit different. You won’t forget it (obviously), but all I will say is that I hope that you and your husband can find some time for yourselves and reflect past the hardship, sleeplessness, and exhaustion, and find a little bit of time to enjoy the two of you together, and help make your bond just that little bit stronger. I don’t think the gift, venue, or the amount of money spent matters – just make sure that it happens in whatever way it works for you and OW, cause otherwise, the twins will just take over everything like they did for our anniversary.

    A year married should be celebrated. A year together + twins? That should be f-ing shouted to the heavens.

    • Thank you for such a thoughtful comment! I agree that we ought to find a way to celebrate and mark the day. I know we have a willing babysitter, so if I can get over my anxiety about leaving the boys, I think we could plan something nice.

  3. Wowie–great comment, Mike! I second what he said. Hope you guys ended up having a lovely anniversary! 🙂

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